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16th-Dec-2009 07:12 pm - My life is mine.
The experiment has went fairly well. A few weeks of letting my life be about me, and not about other people. Some toxic people had to go. And I don't even miss them. I'm just happy for the first time in months because i feel FREE. No matter what happens, I get mine.

Now, if only I could finish the book and not feel violently ill every time I think about sending my baby away, for some publisher to reject.
27th-Sep-2009 11:07 am - Itunes question?
For my friends list-

I just got the first season of Californication as a gift on ITUNES. However, I don't want all the eps on my hardrive, but I dont want to delete any either. Can I copy them from intunes onto a disc or CD or Dvd or whatever, so I can watch them on itunes or WMPlayer later, without having to delete any of them? 
22nd-Sep-2009 10:18 pm(no subject)
I have the most uncooperative friends ever. With the exception of one over zealous friend, I'm always having to email and chase down everyone, and honestly I'm getting to that point where it's like screw it. If people don't want to put in effort, I'm not going to put in effort. If the friendship is boring or there's nothing going on there, what's the point in trying to keep something going? Maybe there is a reason they are so uncooperative. And that is a big hint to just let it go, I guess. But it's sad to me.
20th-Aug-2009 01:17 am - When do you let go and let God?
I got so angry today. A lot was going on, and it was stressful, but my anger surprised me. Do I get mad at someone who does not get mad back at me, the huge ruler of the universe, instead of telling people how i feel about their actions?
I have been a very good person. I have improved. That's not me being vain. There is a lot going on (such is life...). It feels some days like I'm losing my grasp, letting things bury under my skin.
So the question is, when do you let go? When is enough enough? Where is the breaking point, where you can't worry any more, can't get anger, can't  bury emotions? At what point do you stop feeling guilty for letting yourself down, your family, your boyfriend, God?
29th-Jul-2009 12:18 am(no subject)
Being in the relationship I'm in has been this amazing journey.

I never knew I would end up with a man like my boyfriend, and in the begininng I wasn't sure we would make it. But we did.

All the years and time I've spent searching for God...who knew that I would feel closest to Him now? I still don't feel comfortable when other's talk about their relationships to God. When we measure how one relates to the Spirit with how another does...no. It's between me and Him, and no one else. That peace, that solace...I had lost it for a while. I had been searching for it.

It took the love of my life to help me find it again.

I have no idea what, or how this happens. It just did, it clicked like a magnet. When I love, I love hard, with everything I've got. I've put it all out there for him to see.  It's been complicated, hard, easy, natural, a rush, everything all piled together and mixed up.

It all boils down to that I love him. That part is easy. I love him so very much, especially tonight.
13th-Jul-2009 12:51 pm - X Files drabble: Needed Words

It was three simple words. But words that were hardly ever spoken in their house.


Yet they slipped out so easily, so naturally.


He was so preoccupied. Sitting at his desk, shuffling through files, frowning at this or that.


He had made breakfast for her, as he always did before she left for work. Being a doctor wasn't an easy job, with the long hours. And some mornings, she just didn't want to leave.

She wanted to curl up into a ball under her blankets, curved against his body.


He had told her that he liked to listen to her breathe while she slept. To see the rise and fall of her chest. He said she looked so peaceful.

 

“I’m going to work,” she announced, shrugging on her coat as she walked into the office where he was.

 

“Off to another day of saving lives,” he smiled, glancing up. His eyes were so serious.

 

She wanted to take his pain away and stomp it under her foot.

 

“You have a lot on your mind,” she observed.

 

“So do you,” he countered.

 

“You have more,” she rolled her eyes. “This is not a competition, Mulder.”

 

“You look tired,” he ignored her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. He knew how to shut her up.

 

His hand was warm, as warm as a dimly lit stove. His kisses were like that on her body every night. Warm, fleeting, like tiny pin pricks of heat.

 

Like the night before. She remembered how he would flick his tongue over her belly button, then slide his tongue down, down….

 

She flushed, feeling that familiar warmth flood her insides.  His eyes studied her, as if reading her mind. He sometimes seemed to know exactly what she was thinking- especially when it was something she didn’t want him to know.

 

She kissed his fingertips, tasting the saltiness of his hand. “I’ll be late, though.”

 

“I’ll be here,” he gestured at all the papers on his desk.

 

She leaned over to kiss him goodbye, like always. He kissed her harder, such a constrast to the softness of her kiss. He was so intense all the time, but it was an intenseness she needed, one she hungered for.

 

“I love you,” she said, oh so quietly.

 

He just smiled. No words were needed.

 


26th-Feb-2009 12:06 pm - New Fic! High Water, chapter one.
I can never come up with good titles. This is a new fic, from Teague's perspective, about Jack's life growing up. I really love their relationship.
R, to be safe.

 

 He wasn’t in the room when he was born.

            He didn’t get to see it. He would always wonder about that, what it had been like. Always wondered if he should have seen the first breath, the first tears, the first wiggling of arms and legs. But he didn’t- there was a huge store. A typhoon, the natives called it. Wind and rain everywhere, men almost drowning, rain so thick you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.

            As Captain of the ship, he had to be out there. Bracing the lines, helping the crew, saving the ship. The storm had come up while she was in labor and he didn’t have a choice- he had to leave to save the ship. He was Captain, no one knew better than him how to keep the ship from sinking.

            He hadn’t wanted to leave her. Hell, the doctor they had on board was hardly capable, in his opinion. But he had left, knowing he must. He had left her there in the bed, waiting for the child to be born.

            Teague had never thought about this day. He had never thought of being a father. Hell, he hardly even thought about his own father, the man so different from himself. A good, solid man, no pirate. He had had six brothers and sisters. Children had never crossed his mind. What was a pirate to do with children?

            Katia hadn’t wanted children. She had told him so, when they first met, four days later married. She was all pirate as well- she had said time and again she had no use for a baby. And for the past couple years it was just the two of them, on the high seas.

            This baby was an accident. It happened, although there wouldn’t be any more, they both vowed. This one they would raise as well as they could, be good parents, raise him on the ship.

            The storm finally cleared up somewhat, dying down to just a lashing rain. Soaked to the bone, he made his way back to his cabin, his heart thudding with every step of the way. Had she had the child? Was she...alive? Was the child alive?

            His face didn’t move- Teague was not big on expressions. But inside his heart fluttered like the daintiest bird.

            He pushed open the door and his body relaxed for just a moment. Katia was fine, she was sitting up in bed, her long hair pulled away from her face. “About time you got here.” She smiled.

            He held his hands in front of him, as close to an apology as he could muster. He had wanted to be there. She knew that.

            Then he saw him. In the cradle they had bought in India, there laid a small brown baby, with wild black hair. Teague leaned over to look at him, studying every feature of the small face. The baby’s eyes stared right back at him, his fists clenching and unclenching.

            “The doctor says he’s healthy.” Katia announced, her voice proud. “He hasn’t slept at all, though.”

            He didn’t know what possessed him, but he reached down and picked up the boy, letting the small blanket surrounding him slip to the floor. He was warm, a warm squirming mass. He looked like Teague, but had Katia’s huge eyes.

            The baby’s head rested against his chest and for a moment, father and son were peaceful.

            “So Jack Teague, is it, then? What of a middle name?” She asked, her hair falling loose from its confines and tumbling down over her shoulder.

            They had decided on Jack, after the sailor who had introduced them in Mexico. But the middle name was still uncertain.

            He thought of his ship, the beautiful ship he had worked so hard for and now worked so hard in, day after day. The ship that brought him peace, that took him from one adventure to the next.

            The Sparrow, he had named it. The Sparrow was freedom, complete freedom and happiness.

            “Jack Sparrow Teague.” He told her, watching the child’s eyes slowly close. As if he had been waiting on Teague to arrive.

28th-Sep-2008 02:01 pm - Let's play this game....
So it's the A, B, C game. Stolen from someone that forwarded it to me, copy it in your journals and play along....

Dru and my darling pixielore, this means you.

A- Alyse, my middle name
B- The first letter of my real name
C- Cell phone, I could never live without it.
D- Druness, one of the best friends anyone could ask for.
E- Eminem, the man I once thought I would marry.
F- Fanfic, which brought me my Dru and lots of enjoyment/fulfillment over the years
G- Georgia, my home state.
H- Home, the place you go and complain about but at the end of the day, it's what you know.
I- is for icky. I hate stuff that is icky.
J-Johnny Depp, God's gift to the world.
K- is for Krispy Kreme.
L- Laptop, which got stolen out of the back of my car.
M- Mandie. Oldest friends are the best.
N- New Orleans, my number one place I want to visit one day.
O- Okra. I love it.
P- Pirates of The Caribbean, the best movie trilogy on Earth.
Q- Queen, because I think I was one in a past life.
R-  Rayne, my (possible) daughter's name
S- First letter of my last name
T- Taylor, the love of my life
U- Umbrella, mine is plaid.
V- Vivian Leigh, who played Scarlett in Gone with The Wind- awesome book, awesome movie.
W- Wicker, I hate it, soooo tacky!
X- X Mart, the sex toy store I bought my vibrator at.
Y- Probably the most used letter in my text messages.
Z- zzzzz.....I love to sleep.



24th-Dec-2007 11:25 pm - Oh my my...
 I had no choice
But to hear you
You stated your case
Time and again
I thought about it...
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was.
You've already won me over
 in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall
 head over feet. 
And don't be surprised if I love you 
For all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault. 
You're love is thick, and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service...
You've already won me over
In spite of me 
and don't be alarmed if I fall
head over feet
 and don't be surprised 
if I love you
For all that you are,
 I couldn't help it
It's all your fault. 
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath
And the door for me... 


Funny what gets stuck in your Head, right?
4th-Dec-2007 01:53 pm - At World's End, baby
I am the owner of a AWE dvd and despite the ending not being Sparrabethy enough for me, I'm so excited to watch it. And for Dru to see it for the first time. (!!!!) And I passed the math test, life is good. Now if onl the boyfriend would call me  or let me know what's up with him, life would be good.

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